This is a longer blog but I hope me dealing with God can help you a
little,
For the last few months I have been dealing with the frustration of
feeling weak and inadequate because of my health and I never want to let people
down, It started when I got a handicap lanyard and I almost had a breakdown
because to get this I had to admit I had a handicap,I had a weakness!!
I hate feeling weak or that I can’t handle something. Nate can do it. I will just run faster and work harder,
Whatever it take to get the job done.
I don’t want to fail my family…….
I don’t want to fail my church….
I really don’t want to fail God…..
So I am trying to deal with this and then life just keeps getting better
for me health wise,,,, some sarcasm there.
Not a lot but a little.
Last week they brought into my house a oxygen concentrator because my
lung function has gone so low and when I did my 6 minutes walk my oxygen level
was going below 80 and my lung function
is at 40 % for the last 3 months, the last time it was this low a year ago I
spent 5 days in the hospital.
So the even started talking
putting in a pick line for iv antibiotics. Because I have been doing steroid
shot and antibiotics shots on and off for 4 weeks now besides take 20 mg of prednisone every
day and 2 antibiotics, the z pack and levaquin…..
This all being said my temperature is dropping and 2 weeks ago it was
down to 96.1 and last week it was down to 95.7 and my white blood cells are
going up. Which means my body is not fighting off this infection in me.
I am not sure any of this makes sense to you but it is what I am
processing.
So they want me to be on oxygen all the time and have a 50 ft cord to run
through my house and they want me to carry and an oxygen tank with me all the
time….. I can’t do it!!! It will make look weak!!
I am having a hard time wanting to carry this tank with me all the time
because I think it makes me look weak. The last thing I want is for people to
see me as weak.
I am okay when they seeing me
crazy, different, wild, a little off the deep end but not weak. I don’t want to
be limited by my bodies limitations.
Then the God that created Nate,
gets Nate to read a scripture.
In 2 Corinthians 12:10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in
hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am
strong.
I just want to say WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!!!! It is like God is messing with me through
Paul…
Come on Paul you really delight in weakness and
difficulties give me a break.
Look at the definition for
delight -- a high degree of gratification, really peeps a high degree of gratification from
being weak or having difficulties.
: extreme satisfaction = I am completely satisfied with
what is happening my life in
fact I am so completely extremely satisfied, I would rather pass on second helpings of weakness,insults, hardships,
persecutions, difficulties, and health problems. I am full right now and waiting for it all to
digest.
Something that gives great pleasure, golfing gives me pleasure, ping pong gives me pleasure, swimming gives me pleasure, play euchre gives me pleasure……But when I look to what really gives me pleasure,
I really don’t jump and yell , I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties because it gives me GREAT P LEASURE!!!!! So give me more lol
That’s just plain crazy talk..
In the Message bible or my translation of 2 Corinthians 12:7- Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so Nate wouldn’t get a big head,
Nate was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. I was given a gift of a handicap, it is Christmas time and some socks and underwear would have been enough of a gift!!!! But God is more than a socks and underwear gift giver!!!!! He gives gifts that will change your life forever.
Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. Yes he did. . No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that. I get this, I have asked over and over and over, to heal me and take these ailments away and then he told me,
My grace
is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
I had to comes to terms that as I decrease God increases and the more I
can’t do in my weakness the more God can do in His strength. And When
God does it, it is so beyond me,,,,,
Once I caught on to this, I was glad
to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the
gift.
It Truly is a gift, I get to share my
story and help to encourage others. I
was able to tell a friend that just found out they have leukemia and will be in
the James Cancer Center at OSU for at least a month for chemo.
Because of all my hospital stays, I
shared you have not because you ask not. I told her by second or third day I
would have 5 pillows. When I saw her is
bed she had 6, I was a bit jelly.
I also told her about ordering what
you want and what you might want food and they will bring it, like double bacon
for breakfast and sherbet for every meal and she now has extra food in the
fridge in her room.
It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in
on my weakness. Now I am working on take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these
limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks and health situations.
I just need to let Christ take over! And so
the weaker I get, the stronger I become through Him!!!
It seems the harder it is for me the
more I have to let go and let God.
The more I let Go and let God
the better I do.
Just a thought
Father,
Help
me to humble myself to your plan. Thank you for all the things that have come
my way and because of it I am more loving and compassionate and less critical.
Your amazing Grace is enough for me, Be glorified through my life.
For
those out there that are struggling with health, financial, family, job
situations, esteems issues, Give them your hope, grace, and strength in their
weaknesses through the power of your Holy Spirit.
We
pray this for your glory and through the blood of your son Jesus Christ. Amen
Be watching for the oxygen tank hanging around me
more!!!!!
